Back to square one

I am back to square one with enormous amount of confusion, guilt, self-loathing, and loneliness.  I again have started feeling like I am a misfit in this world.  Nothing I say or do makes sense. Nobody likes to listen to me and nor do they have faith in me.  My wife seems like my only saving grace.  Perhaps the only who knows I have deep scars.  Scars that seem beyond repair.  I kept them latent for a very long time...about 20 or so years.  Now that I cannot take it anymore...now that I feel the need to speak out my real emotions...it seems like I only hurt others.  I feel bad for my mother who seems too weak to take all this.  Why am I subjecting her to this after all those years of her torment because of my father's uncontrolled anger.  I am on the verge of giving up on all of this.  I do not know how or when.